It’s been like a lightyear since I’ve posted a blog. And I don’t even know how long a lightyear is, but I can pretty much guarantee, in the blogging world, my absence has been the equivalent of a lightyear. Sure, I’ve had ideas that have been really compelling but obviously not compelling enough to inspire me to fight with my aging and decrepit computer long enough to log in to wordpress and get it out.
So here I am. It’s one something in the morning and for some reason I rearranged my entire room tonight and am still cleaning it. In the midst of cleaning, I had the urge to check my journal entry from exactly a year ago. So I did. And I just about knocked my own hat off (quite literally, since I’m currently sporting sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a baseball cap I picked up in Little Tokyo in LA last year).
Let me back up…I’ve been out of town off and on for the past two weeks. I was in Atlanta for a work conference which was absolutely phenomenal, was back for a few days and then hopped on a plane to Chicago, drove to Minneapolis the next day, went to my friend’s remarkable wedding, hung in the Chi-town area for a few days, and somehow made it back to Nashvegas in one piece. Last year, around the same time, I made almost the same trip – flew to Chicago then drove to Wisconsin to hang with some of the same friends.
As I looked back at my journal, I was astonished to see that some of the same things (such as staying with certain people and having breakfast the next morning at the same restaurant) happened two years in a row. But oh how far I have come since last year.
This journey with God just gets better and better and harder and harder and crazier and crazier. It hasn’t gotten easier and I don’t expect it ever will. But it never ceases to be an exciting journey. I can’t remember the last time I could honestly say I was bored. I haven’t been bored in over a year. Life is so full that it seems to fly.
I’m graduating from college in May, which doesn’t seem like a big deal to me right now, mostly because most of my friends have been out of the college arena for years, but it is a big deal. God has shaped me more in the past four years than at any other point of my life. If I were to stop and trace out the revelations He has given me and the seasons He has brought me through in the past few years, I would probably (vaguely) put it like this:
Freshman year: Self-discovery; need for community; need for church family; desire for healing
Sophomore year: Perseverance in spite of change; multi-tasking and learning to manage work and school
Junior year: Totally transformed perspective after God’s immense healing over the summer at camp; excitement about being back and investing; more community with believers; being grafted into a new kind of community with a family from church = seeing the beauty of family and gaining a greater perspective of marriage and raising kids; beginning to see fruits of investing in the Church
Senior year: Seeing more of the fruit of investing; more of a global perspective; lots of thoughts about my calling
This is surface stuff. The roots of all of these things go deep and it’s an intricate web. And reading over my journal made me realize how EVERYTHING is connected and how God continues to move us FORWARD on this journey on a daily basis. There are no mistakes. There are no coincidences. God’s sovereignty doesn’t permit such things. And I am blown away.
I have friendships this year that I didn’t have last year. I have deeper friendships with a handful of people that I did know and love last year but have grown to love even more. God has given me insight about the future that I never would have been able to fathom a year ago. I’m in a completely different place than I was a year ago. And it’s insane. Because aren’t we all? We’re always moving, changing, growing. Every day is an adventure and no time is time wasted. God’s always working out something in accordance with the purpose of His will.
What am I doing after I graduate? Well, besides kiss the stage on the other side, I’m not entirely sure. But that doesn’t worry me because God has led me step by step this entire way and I don’t expect any less of Him when I’m out of school. I love my church, I love this city, I love the people in my life.
I have hopes, ambitions, desires. I don’t know how God will meet those. I’m sure He will exceed them all in His own surprising way. But that’s what I love about Him. He always surprises me with grace.
And now it’s almost 2am and I still have to finish cleaning up my room but I can’t shake this feeling that life is good right now even though there are a lot of uncertainties. Maybe it’s not quite as exciting as living in Prague and dining with local Czechs or being stranded in an airport in the Netherlands for a couple of days or staying in a hostel in the Red Light District of Amsterdam, but it’s just as adventurous. Each day is a step of faith. Each day is a mystery.
My God is mysterious, adventurous, surprising and most of all, faithful.
What an amazing combination.
My God is good so life is good. No matter how crazy it gets. He provides. He fills, He refreshes, He encourages, He heals, He leads, He loves.
And that is more than enough for me.