the bootstraps are breaking

maybe the shame is a side-effect of the fear that shackles us

to this false religion

the one we created as a substitute for the faith You created

our substitute teaches us that it’s up to us to achieve salvation

to reach out for it, to believe, to receive, to make a change

so when rock bottom is suddenly

our dwelling place

and our closest friend is our weakness

inadequacy

insufficiency

all of the things that you tell us that we are but we refuse to believe,

we despair

sinking into a depression

that infamous feeling of failure

because the thorn in our side

that temptation to sin

has overtaken us again

and we are less than our best

because we leaned on our own understanding

but rather than bow out, with our face to the

bottom of the rock

and admit we can’t do it

that we were never meant to do it

that grace and forgiveness can’t be achieved

we wallow in self-pity –

the weak man’s pride –

grieve our indignity, our blemishes

having lost our security

since it was always in ourselves

but see

that wasn’t Your design

our insufficiency

insecurity

inability

weakness

proclivity to sin

were all meant to draw us to a fountain of hope

that Someone else would look at us

in our mess

in our inadequacy

and speak into it:

“I know. But I Am.”

I AM.

that should be all we need

but instead we are trying to pull ourselves up by our

bootstraps but the bootstraps are breaking

and our hands are shaking

and our faith is waning

because we hoped in ourselves

but how can the created ever fathom

the goodness of the Creator

or ever hope to convince the Creator

that we are creatures worthy of saving

when we are not everything that is

lovely, worthy, honorable

but He is

and that is grace –

that while we were still in sin

when i was on my face

in the dark, in the valley of the shadow of death

gasping for the will to take another breath

where rock bottom was my unwelcome bed

it was His power to save

His desire to love

His decision to pour grace out below from the Heavens above

that redeemed us

that frees us

for freedom we are free

so why live like slaves

when we belong to a King?

too much to fathom

but it can be said that our religion

has lost the aroma

that the disciples had

when they walked away from their fishing boat

their careers, their homes

to follow the One

who said

even though they were not, could never be, would never be –

He was everything

is everything

no, God, I am not – I cannot

and i boast in my inadequacy

because while I keep saying

“I can’t”

You remind me

“I AM.”

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