present in our pain

sometimes the heart aches until it doesn’t anymore

there is no easy fix, no simple cure

because just when the sorrow begins to dry up

when the flesh begins to scar

there is a new wave of sadness which rips through the old wound

mangling the flesh again, sending the soul reeling

into another round of shudders and shakes

cries to the Heavens –

an endless “why?”

but sometimes the Heavens are silent

not because God can’t hear our moanings

not because He is insensitive to our pain

but because sometimes

for our protection

He hides other fountains of sorrows from us

the reasons from us

sometimes if we knew the why

it would plunge our souls into a new wave of despair

an anguish we could not rise out of on our own

He conceals things

for our own good

though we do not always believe this to be good

but if we knew the gravity of what

we ask for

when we ask

why

when we plead with Him through tears

asking where He was in the moments

that we could not be strong

could not protect

could not comfort

could not console

could not see the darkness for what it was

sometimes the silence we perceive

is actually a gentle whisper of peace

the quiet answer in the chaos

which is difficult to hear

over the drum of our own fearing heartbeat,

the chokes and sobs which escape our lips

the wailing tears which scare even us

animal-like cries of pain

when we cannot explain the pain of a loved one

cannot console the nightmares

of someone we vowed to protect

when we cannot reconcile this present darkness

to the Light we know to be

give us not merely eyes to see

but ears

which hear

your voice of peace

in our deepest, darkest

agony

the shattered heart from that which is lost

a cost too great for us to know

a cost you paid

a weight you bore

an agony you know all too well

you absorbed pain as punishment for crimes

which you did not commit

yet we still feel the resounding ache even now

of the world’s decay

won’t you shelter us

as we try to find the pieces which split off

into every direction

won’t you fill us in our most empty places

as we falter and try to make sense

of these deep, dark shadows?

we know there is beauty

life, light, joy

but sometimes the darkness

surrounds us

and just when we start to get back on our feet

we are attacked by a new wave of grief

so

please

even though you already are

can you help us to see

that you are present in our pain?

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